If coming out is a celebration, why is coming out so hard for so many people?
Here's why. Coming out takes a lot of courage.
Coming out means letting go of the ideas, expectations and shame of who others say you're supposed to be. You see, there's a strong push for people to conform into molds. Yes, you can be an individual, they say, but within limits.
At its core, coming out is the process where you choose to embrace the truth and authenticity of who you are.
And...you don't have to be a part of the LGBTQ community to come out. Surprise!
I work with a number of clients who carry a whole lot of shame in their lives, especially when it comes to money. People like to use Harry Potter's invisibility cloak over the areas of their lives they don't want others to see.
Here's some examples of shame that people carry:
- Hiding their sexuality.
- Saying to friends and colleagues how many vacations they're going on and buying lots of things, but hiding the mountains of debt and stress behind it all.
- Shame about their bodies.
- Feeling like they're not the success their loved ones wanted them to be.
Shame easily fills in the blank to this statement: I'm not _________ enough.
Do any words pop up in your mind? If so, this may be a sign post leading you to some area of healing.
This is why coming out is so powerful. Coming out asks you to dig deep into your own self to ask, "Who are you really? Is that true? Really, really true? If it's not true, what is the truth?"
You'll know you hit the Truth (with a capital T) when you feel good, expansive, uplifted, inspired, joyous and amazing.
The truth is that who you are, in this moment, and in every moment, is perfect already as you are. You are whole. You are complete. And you are fabulous!
After you arrive to this truth, coming out is your next step in standing in this truth and declaring it to the world, in your very being-ness. It doesn't mean that you don't get scared along the way. It does mean, though, that you know that you can't go back to who you thought you used to be. Going back would hurt too much.
This is the essence of the Anaïs Nin quote:
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
Where you in your life are you being called to blossom?
For your coaching assignment for this week, reflect on an area of your life where you might be feeling the nudging to "come out."
- What is this area? What's happening now, and where are you called to express yourself more fully?
- When you think about this area, focus on the truth of who you are. Get to that place of expansion and possibility.
- Write on a piece of paper what you know to be true about you. Focus on this as a daily affirmation. And if you feel like it, share this with someone close who supports the truth of who you are.
Let's not have another day pass with you feeling like you have to hide anything, or remain tight in a bud. Let today be the day you embrace the truth that right where you are, you are fabulous. You are ready to blossom.
I'd love to hear what this post brings up for you. Make sure to leave a comment below.
p.s. I'll be speaking this Sunday at the Global Truth Center in North Hollywood, CA, about my own story of coming out. I'll also be leading the LGBTQA spiritual circle at 12 noon there also. If you're interested, click to watch this short video on my Facebook page about "coming out."