Gay Marriage: A Personal Story
Wednesday, 04 March 2009 18:00 Last Updated on Wednesday, 04 March 2009 19:06
This week, the battle for gay marriage heats up.
Oral arguments are being made both for and against Proposition 8 (the California voter-approved initiative that bans gay marriage) before the California Supreme Court. Supporters on both sides are holding rallies, touring the media circuit, and making arguments both on moral and legal grounds. At stake is not only the future of same-sex couples to marry in the state of California, but also the validity of the thousands of same-sex marriages that happened between June and November 2008.
One of those marriages is mine.
My partner, Art, and I first got married on February 16, 2004, when San Francisco's Mayor Newsom allowed same-sex couples to marry.
We were already registered domestic partners, at the city, county and state levels. But when we heard that we actually had the opportunity to get married, we jumped on it! We went to City Hall the day before on Sunday, February 15, 2004. But the line was huge! After two hours of waiting in a line that wrapped around the city blocks, we were told that no more marriages were happening and we went home.
The next morning we got up at 5 am and made our way back to City Hall. The weather was miserably cold and wet, but we were led by our hearts to be there to proclaim our love. When we got there at 6 am, there were already hundreds of people in line, umbrellas in hand, shivering cold, but smiles and joy across their faces.
After 7 hours of waiting outside (with wonderful supporters who brought warm socks, snacks, drinks, anything and everything for all of us waiting to get married), we made it inside and said the words that I never thought I would say..."With this ring, I thee wed..."
I didn't think it was going to feel any different because Art and I already made a deep commitment to our relationship and to each other, but just saying those words made me feel like our relationship was as real as anyone else's. Our love was finally recognized.When our marriage was nullified and made void, we were sad, but we knew our time would come again.
So last year's decision by the Supreme Court that allowed same-sex couples to marry re-opened the hope in our hearts. We got married at City Hall again on October 20, 2008, surrounded by loving family & friends, and officiated by our friend San Francisco Assessor-Recorder Phil Ting.
We also actively campaigned and raised money to defeat Proposition 8, while campaigning for a new world hope with Barack Obama. So when election night came, our victory with Obama was bittersweet. It was a challenge to celebrate that night whole-heartedly when we knew there was a huge segment of the population that didn't support our right to marry, and who we knew believed we were less-than fully human.
Gay marriage is a natural extension of the coming out process. Coming out is about expressing the authenticity of who we are. Gay marriage is about expressing the authenticity of the love that we share.
As the courts, legislators, advocates, our friends and family debate the merits of the issue, it's important that we not forget the faces and the stories behind the debate. Our stories need to be shared because they are the real substance behind the issue.
Love is at the core of our desire to marry.
Thank you for hearing my story and for seeing the heart in the midst of it all.
I wish you abundant love and the freedom to be and express who you are!
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I'm a bit torn on this issue though as far as the importance for us outside of CA. I am gay, I have been in a relationship for 14 years, while I would like that to mean something legally, I also live in a State (AZ) with NO protection from discrimination of any kind.
I can be fired, denied housing, refused services, etc because of who I am. For some of us in States like this I believe the first step, either at a State or Federal level, is to guarantee that we all have equal rights, free from discrimination based on who we are. After that - I will be on the bandwagon to getting our marriage rights in AZ.
I realize the fight in CA is significant in that it marks a step where the courts are doing exactly what they need to do, i.e. protect a minority from discrimination from the majority. It is not the courts being activists, but performing the functions they are designed to do. So I sincerely hope the fight across the border for you, our neighbor, is successful for our future fight on the same issue.