 The other day I found myself talking with a neighbor new to my building. As is usual, the topic of our careers came up. “And what do you do?” I asked, after he asked me about my work. “Oh, I work in accounting at so-and-so company,” he replied in a very lackluster fashion. “Do you not enjoy it?” I questioned, after noting his not so enthusiastic response. “It’s okay, I guess. But it pays the bills,” he shrugged and laugh half-heartedly. There it was. I recognized the look. I felt the energy. Complacency. I know what it looks like because I’ve experienced it myself in the past, and I’ve worked with many clients on this same issue. In your career, complacency becomes evident when you look at what you’re doing, you feel some boredom, maybe even dread, and you wonder how you ended up there. In relationships, complacency can show up when you glance at your partner and sigh, pondering when the magic and spark went away. When it comes to your health, complacency gives you a scenario where you might have once gone to the gym three times a week, but now it’s been a while since you’ve gone, and you debate whether you should be paying that monthly gym membership. Complacency happens to the best of us, and it’s insidious because it some how creeps in when we weren’t looking. You might think to yourself, “Oh I’m too tired to go to the gym tonight. I’ll just stay home and rest on the couch.” After two or three nights of skipping the gym, you might reason that work has been so busy that rest is more important than anything. Pretty soon, a week has gone by and now you’ve found a favorite new show to watch on television. Complacency is dangerous because it steers you away from your goals and from the fullness of life you might have imagined yourself living. Complacency provides what seem like very valid excuses and gives you reprieve from having to show up in life. Eventually, complacency brings an energy of heaviness that slows you down, as if you’re trudging deep through mud. Left unchecked, it can leave you feeling stuck and immobile. How do you make sure that you don’t fall into the trap of complacency? One, do a self-assessment to look at different areas of your life to see if you feel out of alignment with your life goals. My blog post on looking at what’s nourishing and what’s not nourishing in your life is a helpful tool to get you started. Two, engage in activities that get you out of your comfort zone. Go to a music concert, attend a lecture, or eat at a new restaurant. When you do things that you usually don’t do, you shake up your life energy. Complacency doesn’t get a chance to settle in. Three, if you find that you are complacent and you feel stuck, seek some support from others who can help you get unstuck. You can talk with a coach (I offer complimentary consultations) or counselor, or you can find a group or class to help out. Remember, you’re not alone and there are others in the world who can support you. Lastly, meditation and mindfulness practices are a great counterweight to complacency. When you bring a present-minded awareness to life, you break the hold of living your life on autopilot. The spiritual truth in today’s lesson is this:  Complacency has a hard time setting in when you open to the newness of each moment. Are you willing to release complacency, and embrace the aliveness that wants to express as you in this moment? Abundant Blessings and Namaste. I'd love to hear your thoughts about today’s post, and hear your thoughts about ways you tackle complacency in your life. Please leave a comment below. Also, if you’re feeling the need for guidance or support, I offer a complimentary life coaching consultation where we can chat. You can learn more about these life coaching consultations by clicking here. Finally, if you're interested in receiving these weekly inspiring articles, feel free to sign up by clicking here.  When people ask me for one easy way they can start to create a life and work they love, I offer them this simple tool. I call this exercise “Nourishing versus not nourishing.” All you have to do is come up with two lists. Here are the instructions to get started:
Now, think of all the different kinds of activities you engage in on a daily or weekly basis. And as you think about each activity, decide whether you would consider it to be “nourishing” or “not nourishing,” and place it in the appropriate column. For example, say you take a yoga class once a week. Most likely, you’d put yoga class in the nourishing column. For another example, say you find yourself spending 3-4 hours a day scrolling through Facebook as a way to pass the time. For many people, this might fit in the “not nourishing” column. But, for you, maybe not. You get to decide what is nourishing or not nourishing to you. Sometimes people tell me that the activity could fit in both columns. What’s a person to do? The answer is to be more specific in describing the activity so that you can parse out in what ways the activity is nourishing, and in what ways is the activity not nourishing. For example, some of my clients consider their job to be a key activity, but they would put it in both columns. Sometimes they feel nourished at work, and sometimes they don’t. In this case, I would ask them to list out what aspects of their job feel nourishing. One person might say, “I like when I get to work with other people.” This person would then write this response down in the nourishing column. And this same person might say, “I hate it when I’m given a short deadline at the last minute, when I could’ve been given a heads up earlier.” This would go in the non-nourishing column. The same principle could be applied to something like watching tv. Are there particular programs that help you feel nourished, and are there some that don’t? Once you start to list out the activities in these two different columns, you may start to see more clearly how you’re spending your time. Are you engaging in life activities that are more nourishing or less nourishing? And once you become more aware, then you can begin to make choices about how you live your life. If you find that your life could use some more nourishment, here’s what you can do. Think of some different activities that you can add to your life that make you feel more healthy, grounded, joyous and nourished. Some examples of nourishing activities might be:
As you focus more energy on filling your day with nourishing activities, what ends up happening is that the non-nourishing events start to dissipate, all on their own. Why? Because they’re not given as much time or energy as before. You can witness this principle in a garden. When weeds don’t get the water, sunlight or nutrients they need to survive, they automatically start to wither. The heart of today’s teaching can be encapsulated in this simple quote: Whatever you focus on expands.  If you become clearer about what nourishes you in your life and you focus your energy on those things, then your life as a whole feels more nourished. Yes, it is as simple as that. Abundant Blessings and Namaste. I'd love to hear your thoughts about today’s post, and hear your thoughts about what activities in your life nourish you. Please leave a comment below. Also, if you’re feeling the need for guidance or support, I offer a complimentary life coaching consultation where we can chat. You can learn more about these life coaching consultations by clicking here. Finally, if you're interested in receiving these weekly inspiring articles, feel free to sign up by clicking here.  Have you ever felt like you were stuck running in a hamster wheel? Recently, I spoke with a 25-year-old sales associate who, after learning I was a life coach, shared with me:
A couple months ago, during a life coaching consultation with a 34-year-old banking professional, this individual blurted out,
Earlier this year, I sat down with a 49-year-old information technology manager who seemed at her wits end:
And just the other day, I met a 56-year-old accountant at a social event. After chatting a few minutes, he asked me,
Do you notice a pattern in each of these encounters? No matter what age they may be, there’s a sense among many of the people I talk to that time is running out.
At the heart of their struggles is their comparing the lack of progress they feel in their lives with other people who seem to be “more together.” Or they find themselves competing with this idealized version of who they’re “supposed” to be and what they “should” have already achieved by this stage of life. As these people can attest, this is a painful situation to be in. If you find yourself in this situation where you’re feeling like you need to be farther ahead in your life than where you are now, first let me say, I feel for you. And it’s not your fault. Many of us have been taught that there’s a formula for living a successful and happy life: Go to college, find a good-paying job, get married, start a family and, after a few decades, retire in the golden years, traveling to exotic destinations in the world. The problem is that this formula doesn’t work for everyone. But people keep on trying to fit their lives into this pattern. You see, the feeling that time is running out is based on this idea that you’re supposed to reach pre-determined milestones. For example, you’re supposed to have children before you’re 30 years old. Or, you should have at least $350,000 in savings by the time you’re 50. For many, these benchmarks of “success” are unattainable. And when you don’t reach these markers, you feel like you’re far behind and you wake up in the middle of the night wondering if you'll ever catch up. Worse, your self-esteem starts to go way down. The unfortunate thing is that when people find themselves in this predicament, many feel like they just have to toughen themselves up, stick it out, and get back on the hamster-wheel. Some turn to coping mechanisms like alcohol or drugs to deal with the drudgery of life. But there’s another way. Rather than immediately coming up with a to-do list and strategy for how you can work harder in a job you hate, or turning to unhelpful behaviors to cope with a life that doesn’t resonate with you, I encourage you to stop for a moment. Instead of trying to fit your life into this catch-all formula for living a “successful” life, what I’ve found works much better is figuring out what works for you. If you could let go of any outside pressures, the key is defining what “success” means for you and not anyone else. To help you with this, here are some questions that I use with my clients that get to the heart of what a joyous and meaningful life can look like for you:
When you take the time to answer these questions truthfully and from your heart, you’ll most likely find that your responses are filled with depth, meaning, purpose and aliveness….because the answers are unique to you. And what’s beautiful is that these questions can be asked at any age, whether you’re 18 years old or 80 years old. When you answer for you and you alone, you elicit a truth of who you are, not who you think you’re supposed to be. When you start to listen to your heart and you start to move in alignment with your heart’s calling, that’s when you realize there’s another way to live life outside of the cookie-cutter approach.
If there’s a spiritual lesson to take away from today’s post, it’s this: You have your own path, and there’s no need or sense in comparing yourself to anyone else. And if you're willing to receive this, I offer this prayer for you: May the whispers of your heart make themselves known to you, and may they guide you to a freer, fuller expression of the joy and light you already are. A joyous and meaningful life is possible. Are you willing to live it? Abundant Blessings and Namaste. I'd love to hear your thoughts about today’s post, and hear your thoughts about how you're sharing your gifts and your message with the world. Please leave a comment below. Also, if you’re feeling the need for guidance or support, I offer a complimentary life coaching consultation where we can chat. You can learn more about these life coaching consultations by clicking here. Finally, if you're interested in receiving these weekly inspiring articles, feel free to sign up by clicking here.  Joselito and Richard in Amsterdam - July 2018 This past July, my partner Richard and I traveled to Amsterdam to attend the 22nd International AIDS Conference. Over 16,000 people attended this world gathering. Imagine the electricity and vibrancy of people from all corners of the world coming together to end the scourge of AIDS.  Over 16,000 people in attendance at the 2018 International AIDS Conference in Amsterdam The message from the conference was clear: Although advances have been made, AIDS continues to ravage the world, hitting hardest in vulnerable communities, countries and continental regions. And unfortunately, as I learned at the conference, there is a concerted and coordinated effort in different parts of the world to stop and dismantle the gains that have been made:
In the midst of all this disheartening news, however, people shared stories of resilience despite all odds and highlighted innovative efforts to end AIDS.  Prince Harry and Elton John announce the launch a one billion dollar AIDS initiative  Prince Harry, the Duke of Sussex, and Elton John with youth from around the world attending their first International AIDS Conference Prince Harry, the Duke of Sussex, and Elton John announced they were joining forces to launch the MenStar coalition, a one billion dollar initiative aimed at targeting and preventing HIV infection in men, particularly in sub-Saharan Africa.  Charlize Theron addressing the International AIDS Conference Actress Charlize Theron spoke about her work with the Charlize Theron Africa Outreach Project, South Africa, and highlighted the impact of AIDS on women and girls: “Most of us now know and understand that HIV is not just about sex or sexuality…We know it is linked to the second-class status of women and girls worldwide.” (source: https://www.timeslive.co.za/sunday-times/lifestyle/health-and-sex/2018-07-24-hiv-is-linked-to-the-second-class-status-of-women-charlize-theron/)  Former U.S. President Bill Clinton addressing the International AIDS Conference Former U.S. President Bill Clinton spoke about the need to address both HIV and tuberculosis, which is the number one killer of people with HIV, particularly in India (which has the highest TB burden).  Omar Sharif, Jr., addressing the International AIDS Conference Omar Sharif, Jr., the grandson of the famous actor Omar Sharif, spoke about being widely condemned after he came out as gay in his home country of Egypt. “At the height of the Arab Spring, I became the first Arabic public figure to come out openly as gay and question the Egyptian government’s commitment to basic human rights and equality,” Sharif shared. “My announcement immediately went viral and I was met with widespread criticism, threats of violence, and death threats. I think a lot of people in this room know exactly how that feels. I left the country and I have not been home since. In my region of the world — the Middle East and north Africa — talking about LGBTQ issues, and certainly talking about HIV are incredibly risky. Just starting a conversation takes courage.” (source: https://www.hivplusmag.com/activism/2018/7/26/omar-sharif-calls-out-trump-aids2018) As all these celebrities and noted luminaries spoke, I thought about how each one of them is using their status and their platform to bring greater attention and resources to this issue. And I realized, they’re not the only ones who have a platform. These days, every person has a platform, including you. Especially in this time of social media that connects us all, every person has the ability to reach and connect with others. Whether you have 100 friends on Facebook or 10,000 followers on Twitter, or whether you belong to a spiritual community of 200 people or have an extended family of 50 people, you already have a platform. You have the ability to reach people, with your own message if you so choose, right where you are. And so here I am asking you today: How are you using your platform? Are you taking a stand for what you believe in?  Joselito, Richard and Brian reconnecting in Amsterdam at the International AIDS Conference At the conference, I ran into my friend Brian Pearls who I haven’t seen for a few years. Brian is using his platform to do amazing work as an LGBQ activist in Kenya.  Richard Zaldivar, Alicia Garza, David Hogg  This week, my partner Richard is in Orlando, Florida, for the United States Conference on AIDS. He’s one of the main speakers for the opening plenary session, along with David Hogg, activist and survivor of the Marjory Stoneman Douglas School shooting in Parkland, Florida, and Alicia Garza, co-founder of #BlackLivesMatter. Each one of them is using their platforms in their own work, and this week they’re joining their platforms to connect the intersections between movements for social justice and the HIV community.  My sister Marie de Luna in Korsakov, Russia And you don’t only have to have political or social causes be your platform. As my sister Marie de Luna posts photos and videos of food, travel and fun on her Facebook feed, she is using her platform to take a stand for the deliciousness and beauty of life itself, that is always available to each one of us. So, for your coaching assignment this week, take stock of your life to answer these questions:
At the heart of today’s teaching is a spiritual truth embodied in this quote by David Viscott (although some have said it was coined by William Shakespeare or Pablo Picasso, but regardless it’s still a great quote):  The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.
In other words, the world needs more of you. How can you give more of you today? Abundant Blessings and Namaste. I'd love to hear your thoughts about today’s post, and hear your thoughts about how you're sharing your gifts and your message with the world. Please leave a comment below. Also, if you’re feeling the need for guidance or support for a particular area of life, I offer a complimentary life coaching consultation where we can chat. You can learn more about these life coaching consultations by clicking here. Finally, if you're interested in receiving these weekly inspiring articles, feel free to sign up by clicking here. |
About JoselitoJoselito is a spiritual life coach helping people create a purposeful, spiritual path to career and financial freedom. Popular Blog Articles Beware (Be Aware of) these 5 Unhelpful Money Stories How my body told me to quit my job How I was offered an all-expenses paid cruise after making my Vision Board Today I choose to live my GREATNESS You are not your stories. You are the story-teller. Your job is not your Source. Archives
November 2018
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