'Feeling the feels' in the midst of grief

Pictured: My dad and my sisters celebrating my birthday.

Last week my dad passed away.

Richard and I had flown to Las Vegas on Sunday of last week to visit my dad in the hospital. The next day he took a turn for the worst and was rushed to ICU. My sisters immediately booked their flights to arrive that evening, shortly after midnight. Within an hour of their arrival, he died.

A dear friend texted me the other night to ask me how I was doing.

I texted back, “Honestly, up and down. I’ve been very sad and have felt out of it (spacey) these last few days. And my siblings and I have been talking a lot with each other to check in (which has been nice) as we’re making the funeral arrangements.”

 “I’m so sorry,” she responded. “It’s a time to honor your feelings. Love you.”

This last week has been all about what I call, “Feeling the feels.”

Feeling the feels means allowing yourself to feel the full range of any and all emotions as they come up, rather than pushing any of them away, or sticking a happy face on any feelings of discomfort or pain.

And there’s no timetable when it comes to grief.

Tears have the oddest timing of when they decide to show up.

The other day I was in the grocery store, next to the watermelons, when a wave of sadness rushed through and tears started welling up in my eyes.

But the same peculiar timing of sadness and tears can also be said of joy and laughter.

In the middle of crying with my siblings at dinner last week, we remembered a funny story about my dad and started laughing and giggling out loud.

And then there are unexpected moments of awe, wonder and gratitude.

Even in grief, I felt deep appreciation for the whole medical care team that provided unwavering support.

My heart eased with the profound comfort from countless notes and messages of love from friends and family all over when we posted the news on Facebook.

Yesterday, when I shared what happened in the final moments with my dad, a friend offered these wise words.

“Grief has no container. It’s like water. Water flows where it needs to flow.”

I realize it’s not only grief that has no container, but also joy, and appreciation, and love.

All the feels are boundless expressions that we get to experience, simply because we’re alive.

There’s a gift in feeling the feels.

When I allow myself to feel the feels, the flow carries me to a depth and a richness of understanding, about life, about death, and what’s underneath it all.

It really is all about love, isn’t it?

We grieve because we love.

We remember the joy and the laughter because we love.

We reach out with a supportive embrace, or a call, or a text message, because we love.

At least that’s how I’m choosing to experience this.

Feel the feels because love is the essence of it all.

❦

If you’re interested in reading more about my dad, or want the information about the upcoming funeral arrangements, here are some things you can look at.

You can click here for the memorial website with my dad's obituary and the details of the funeral service.

This week, Los Angeles City Councilmember Gil Cedillo honored my dad at this week’s City Council meeting. You can watch the video clip here.

​And you can click here to read the facebook post where I shared publicly the news of my dad’s passing, with the abundance of love and comforting words from friends and family all over.

Thank you for all your love and support. 🙏🏽❤️

Abundant Blessings and Namaste.