 Joselito and Richard enjoying the champagne waterfall on the cruise ship. The other week, Richard and I went on a 7-day cruise to the Mexican Riviera and, as you can imagine, we had a blast. (I mean, who wouldn’t love going to Cabo San Lucas, Mazatlan and Puerto Vallarta, with all-you-can-eat-food and entertainment galore?) On the final morning when all the passengers were grabbing food left and right at the buffet, knowing full well that we all would have to make our own food when we returned home, I ran across a gentleman who we had chatted with at different points of the cruise. “How are you feeling this morning?” I asked. “Happy,” he replied, with a big smile on his face. Pausing for a few seconds, he continued, “I’m happy that we had such a great cruise…and I’m happy that we’re going home.” His comment now gave me pause. I expected to hear him say how bummed he was that the cruise was now over and that he wished it could go on for at least another week. Yet, here he was, happy to be going back home. In my spiritual life coaching practice, one of my main areas of focus is working with professionals who are unhappy with the work they’re doing and who want to be doing something else more meaningful and fulfilling. When I meet with a new client, one of the first questions I usually ask is this: “If you had all the money in the world, what would you see yourself doing? How would you be spending your time?” Here’s the answer (or some variation of it) that I hear more often than not: “I see myself laying on the beach, or traveling all over the world, enjoying my days. I don’t have to work at all.” It’s a great response. You might be raising your hand yourself, saying, “Yes, please. I’ll have some of that for my life too!” But at some point, after you go to the beach, day after day, for days on end… Or after you travel from one part of the world to another, and then go to another part of the world, and then go to another part of the world… …you come to realize that the unlimited vacation you might have thought was the best thing in the world all of a sudden has reached its limit. How much vacation can you handle? Richard and I experienced this last summer when we traveled to Europe for the International AIDS Conference in Amsterdam. After spending a week in Amsterdam, we decided to tack on another week in Madrid to visit his dear friend Helena and her family. And since we were going to Spain, we might as well go to Barcelona, so we added another week. And as we looked at the map some more, we realized that Portugal was too close to pass up and so we included Lisbon in the itinerary, adding another week. In total, we spent a whole month in Europe. A whole month! I’ll be honest…we were ready to leave after two weeks. Why would we want to leave, you might be wondering? Well, we missed our home, sleeping in our own bed, making meals with the foods we found familiar, seeing our family and friends, going to Dodger baseball games and attending music concerts at the Hollywood Bowl. And we also missed doing our work, because we both see each of our work as a service that really is helping to make the world a better place. You see, when I hear people say that they would like to spend all their days on vacation, it says to me that they’re probably feeling out of balance with their lives. If you could imagine your life symbolized as a whole pie, and you had different areas of life represented as different slices of the pie (like work being one slice, relationships being another, play, money, health, spiritual growth, and so on), which slices of pie would be the largest for you in terms of the time and energy you spend in those areas? For many people, work is usually the biggest slice of the pie, and play/travel/fun is a much tinier piece. That’s why the idea of spending all your days on the beach, or traveling, or having fun, seems alluring because that part of your life is craving energy and attention. But if you decided to swing the other way and make play/travel/fun the vast majority of your pie, you might feel a sense of imbalance with that arrangement too. Ultimately, the questions that I offer to my clients move beyond the “if you had all the money in the world, what would you do?” and venture to this inquiry: “What areas of life are important to you, and in what ways are you being called to give energy to each of these areas in your life?” These questions are the essence behind achieving what’s usually referred to as “work-life balance,” the notion that you can be intentional in creating a life where you feel more balanced and at ease. So my question for you today is: Where in your life are you called to give some energy and attention, particularly an area that might be feeling neglected? Once you figure that out, your homework assignment is to figure out one small thing you can do to start giving some energy and attention to that area of life. If you're craving fun and play, maybe take an afternoon and go to the beach or a hike. If you're feeling the need for connection in your relationships, why not call up a friend you haven’t seen in a while and go out to dinner. If your body is wanting some movement, you can sign up for a yoga class. Find an idea and activity that bring you a smile. You’ll know it when you feel it. When I think about the man I chatted with at the buffet line on the cruise, I could sense that he had a good handle of how “work-life balance” operates in his life. He had a big smile on his face when I spoke with him. He really enjoyed his cruise, and he knew he was ready to get off the ship and go home. Like him, there’s a part of you that knows that you are ready to go and change it up. Now go and do that. And watch your whole life start to smile. Abundant Blessings and Namaste. === I'd love to hear your thoughts about today's article. Please feel free to leave a comment below. A little about me... My unique ability is helping people figure out what’s really holding them back and to fully support them in a safe and sacred space, with the result of people feeling excited about life and believing they can claim the driver’s seat of their lives. I've been called the "Aha Whisperer." If you’re feeling the need for support in creating a life filled with more spaciousness, purpose and joy, I offer a complimentary life coaching consultation that may provide you with the insight and resources you need in this moment. To learn more about this, click here.  This year I get to celebrate a big birthday milestone. On September 15, I turn 50 years old! Yay! Birthday celebrations are a big deal for me. You can ask my partner Richard. On the morning of every September 1st, when we wake up, I announce to him that we are officially beginning the celebration of my birthday month. (And sometimes I make the announcement at 12am, if we happen to be awake.) Earlier this week, I asked Richard, “What should we do to celebrate my birthday this year?” Richard replied, “We can do anything you want. It’s your birthday!” His comment took me aback. I thought to myself, “Really? ANYTHING I want?” Once that settled in, the next thought emerged. “So…what do I really want?” Over the next couple of days, I started a mental list in my head of some possibilities for a birthday celebration. I could have a big birthday bash, inviting all my friends and family, with lots of food, music and dancing. That sounds like fun. Or we could go on a cruise. I like cruises. Where can I go that I haven’t gone before? We can do a 14-day transatlantic cruise that leaves Fort Lauderdale and ends up in Barcelona. I’ve always wanted to take a cruise through the Panama Canal. We can start in Florida, go through the Panama Canal, and end up in Los Angeles. Hmm..how about a cruise through Asia, with stops in Singapore, Vietnam, maybe Japan? That sounds adventurous. Well, if not a cruise, what else would be on my list? I’d love to take a week in Orlando and visit DisneyWorld and Universal Studios. It’s been years since I’ve been there and visiting Harry Potter at Hogwarts feels magical. Or, how about a trip back to the Philippines, to visit some of the beautiful beaches I haven’t explored and to show Richard the country where I was born? I’ve also had the inkling over the years to try skydiving. I saw on the news recently that the actress Viola Davis went skydiving to celebrate her birthday. These are a lot of great ideas, but which one should I choose? It so happened that I spoke with my mom on the phone, and I told her all of the different ideas rolling around in my head. After listening to my rattling off about maybe I can do this or maybe I can try that, she asked a simple question: “Out of all of these, which one would be your top pick?” (An excellent coaching question, if I do say so myself.) In other words, she was asking me the question that I regularly pose to my clients: “What do you really, really, really want?” It’s such a seemingly innocuous question, very straightforward and simple, and yet it’s one that confounds so many of us. “What do you really, really, really want?” Have you ever found yourself needing to make a decision about something and feeling lost or unsure about what to do? You could be trying to figure out something fun, like where to go on vacation or what to eat at a new restaurant. Or you might be facing a challenging situation, like finding yourself hating your work environment, or being in a troubling relationship, or feeling dissatisfied with life. No matter what you might be experiencing, “What do you really, really, really want?” is a powerful question because it cuts through all the noise and puts the focus on you. Here’s another way that I pose this question to my clients. Imagine the Universe is a restaurant. Now, a server comes to you with a menu and says, “This is your life. You can order anything you want. Nothing is out of bounds. What do you want?” In other words, think about any area of life where you have a question, and ask:
“What do you really, really, really want?” To entertain this question means to temporarily set aside and suspend the thoughts and ideas that creep up that aim to squash this question. Thoughts and ideas like, “Well, is what I want even do-able?”, or “Is what I want realistic?”, or “Who am I to ask for what I really want?” And sometimes, you might find yourself coming up empty, saying to yourself, “Oh my gosh, I don’t know what I really want.” If you’ve had any of these thoughts come up, please don’t beat yourself up. These thoughts show up for the vast majority of us, including me. Many of us are taught to play it safe, to go for what’s do-able and to do what everybody else does. For the most part we’re not encouraged to think for ourselves and to draw outside the lines. But here’s the spiritual Truth: There’s a Creative Energy at the center of all of Life itself. This energy is inexhaustible, and it is infinite. And this Creative Energy is seeking to express itself fully in all of Life itself, including you. That means, what you experience and what you express in Life is limited only by you…your understanding of who you think you are, what you believe you are equal to and what you accept as possible. “What do you really, really, really want?” You get to choose. So, for my 50th birthday this year, I get to apply this teaching to my own situation. I’m not sure yet what I’ll choose from the menu. I’m still perusing what looks tasty and delicious, and I’m open to entertaining new and interesting ideas (please let me know if you have any suggestions!). Perhaps, I’ll not only pick one, but choose a few things from the menu…maybe an appetizer here, a dish there, and of course, dessert of some sort! It’s a wonderful feeling when you allow yourself to play in the realm of possibilities. There’s a freedom when you allow yourself to open up and stretch, and lovingly invite wonder and delight into your Life. And here’s the other lesson I’ll impart. You don’t have to wait for a milestone birthday to choose from the menu of Life. You can begin to make choices that bring you joy and delight right here and right now. In this moment. Right where you are.. One thing I do know for sure, though, is that for this year, I’m not limiting myself to celebrating my 50th birthday just for the month of September. I’m going to celebrate the whole entire year. Abundant Blessings and Namaste. === I'd love to hear your thoughts about today's article. Please feel free to leave a comment below. A little about me... My unique ability is to see people clearly for who they are, to help them figure out what’s really holding them back and to fully support them in a safe and sacred space, with the result of people feeling excited about life and believing they can claim the driver’s seat of their lives. I've been called the "Aha Whisperer." If you’re feeling the need for support in creating a life filled with more spaciousness, purpose and joy, I offer a complimentary life coaching consultation that may provide you with the insight and resources you need in this moment. To learn more about this, click here.  Every once in a while, when the weather is warm and sunny, Richard and I drive to the canals along Naples in Long Beach, California.
We rent a 2-person kayak so we could be in the water while we ogle at some very nice houses and yachts that line the neighborhood canals. (I imagine this is what Venice, Italy, looks like, but a-la-Los Angeles.) We start off kayaking full of energy and with intention. We yell out to each other, "Stroke! Stroke!," as we time our oars so we’re moving efficiently in the direction we want to go. At some point, though, our arms get tired and we poop out. That’s when we find our kayak slowly drifting. When we’re not moving our oars in the water, we’re like sitting ducks, bopping along wherever the waves or the wind want to take us. Sometimes we’ll head straight into a parked boat or pier, or run into other beginner kayakers who are trying to figure out how to steer these water vehicles. Other times we’ll just be sitting in the middle of the water, not moving at all, simply drifting without any direction. Kayaking can be an illustrative metaphor for how you approach your life. Have you ever found yourself feeling like you’re drifting, in some area of your life? Drifting shows up as feeling like your life isn’t going anywhere purposeful, like you’re simply going through the motions. You wake up, go to work, come home, sleep, and the cycle starts all over again. You wait to see what happens, hoping and praying for something exciting to come along. Other times you might be throwing your hands up in the air, simply saying, “It is what it is. What can I do about it?” I’ll tell you, I don’t believe anyone intentionally wants to drift through their life. But for some reason, some people wake up one day, wondering, “How did I get here? What happened to the dreams I once had? Where did all my life goals go?” It can feel very frustrating, maybe even heart-breaking, to come to this realization. So what do you do when you find yourself drifting through life? Well, here’s what Richard and I did on our kayak journey. After resting our muscles and drifting on the water, we knew we had to do something or else we’d be sitting there for the rest of the day. We turned to each other in our kayak and asked, “What do you want to do now?” It seems like a such a simple question. “What do you want?” But this simple question is one that so many people don’t ask themselves. If you’re drifting in your career, what kind of work would you love to do? If you’re drifting in your finances, where do you want to be with your money? If you’re drifting in your relationships, what are the kinds of relationships you want to have and who do you want to have those relationships with? If you’re drifting in terms of your health, what changes do you want to make? If you’re drifting in your life in general and feeling like you're not where you want to be, then who is the person in your heart that you are being called to be? What happens in many cases is that instead of asking these questions I've laid out, many people have resigned themselves to the idea that there’s nothing they can do. So they don't even know they can ask the question. They figure there's nothing to be done. But there is something you can do, and that’s to ask yourself the simple question. "What do you want?" When you take the time to ask yourself what you want, in any situation in your life, the pathway forward starts to become a little more clear. You sense a spark in your soul and you realize there might be a destination you're being called to go to. Then, all you need to do is take the first step. Or, in our kayaking outing, the first row. If you’re wondering what Richard and I decided to do after drifting in the water, we got the inspiration to treat ourselves to some hot chocolate at the nearby shopping center. This meant that we had to kayak another 20 minutes to get to the shopping center. (Fortunately, they had a pier where we could park our kayak.) After we bought our hot chocolates, we sat with our feet dangling at the pier, right next to our kayaks. We basked in the sun while we sipped our sweet treats. After we finished our drinks, we kayaked for another 30 minutes to return to our kayak rental. All in all, we had an exquisite, and very memorable, day. Now, how about you? Is there anything you can do to make sure you don’t find yourself unintentionally drifting through life? You don’t have to think of something major to change at this point, if you don’t want to. You can start small and ask yourself a simple question. For today, what would you want to do to bring a little sweetness and joy to your day? When you ask yourself what you want, and you take action to move towards that, you’ll find that you're no longer drifting. You’ll actually find yourself in the driver’s seat of your own life. Abundant Blessings and Namaste. I'd love to hear your thoughts about today's article. Please feel free to leave a comment below. And if you’d like support in getting clear on how you can create more energy expansive life, I can help. You can set up a complimentary life coaching consultation. Click here for more information. |
About JoselitoJoselito is a spiritual life coach helping people create a purposeful, spiritual path to career and financial freedom. Popular Blog Articles Beware (Be Aware of) these 5 Unhelpful Money Stories How my body told me to quit my job How I was offered an all-expenses paid cruise after making my Vision Board Today I choose to live my GREATNESS You are not your stories. You are the story-teller. Your job is not your Source. Archives
May 2019
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