 One of the key lessons I shared in my recent “Living Life Unapologetically” Signature Talk is that there’s a cost to you not living life on your own terms. I see this “cost” so often when I meet with people who are interested in my spiritual life coaching services. A couple years ago, someone named Jesse came to see me after meeting me at a social event. When we sat down, she unloaded a whole torrent of pain and anguish. “I don’t know how I got here,” she told me. “I took this job years ago as a stepping stone to doing what I really wanted to do, but somewhere along the way, ten years just flew by. TEN YEARS!!!!” “I hate my job. It sucks the life out of me,” Jesse grumbled. “I’m stressed out all the time, I’m fighting with my partner, and now my doctor tells me that I might have an ulcer. I can’t take this anymore, but I don’t know what to do. I’ve invested so much time and energy in this company. If I really did what I wanted to do, I’d be starting all over again from scratch. I can’t do that either!” What became clear as I continued in my conversation with Jesse is that she had this idea of how she was going to live her life, but somewhere along the way she veered off her path. And now, she was paying the price. The “cost” to not living your life on your own terms can show up in different ways. The cost could be to your health, where you get sick, you get stressed out, you get dead tired and feel no energy to do anything except watch tv when you get home. Some people try to numb the deadening feeling by turning to things that help them forget, like drinking, or drugs, or food, or porn, or gambling. The cost could be to your relationships, where you find yourself having more fights with those that are near and dear to you, or you find that you don’t have any time for any meaningful relationships. The cost could be to your finances, where you turn to shopping therapy to buy happiness through things. The cost could be to your career, where you do work that doesn’t feed you, and so the world is left waiting for you to share your true gifts and talents. And sometimes the cost could be actual harm and violence, to yourself or to other people. Just turn on the news and see this playing out in communities and places all over the world. As you can see, there really is a cost to merely existing, not really living life fully. Yet, despite all this, the cost is not a life sentence, meaning you are not doomed to stay this way for the rest of your life if you don’t want to. There is a way out. And the way out is to press the STOP button, and hit RESET. Pressing the STOP button means making a choice and a commitment to stop living life on auto-pilot. It means stopping the habits, the activities and the relationships that drain you and leave you feeling numb and lifeless. It also means stopping any excuses that you don’t have a choice in the matter, because you do. Once you STOP, then you can press the RESET button. RESET means getting your life back in alignment with the truth of who you are. Pressing the RESET button is about getting clear on and committing to nurture the habits, activities and relationships that give you energy, vibrancy and life. It also means embracing your own power and your ability to make your own choices, especially in the face of others who try to steer you off your path. Jesse ended up signing on as a life coaching client. We got her clear on the kind of work she really wanted to do, as well as defining what her other areas of life could look like if she was living it just the way she wanted. Recently, she shared with me that her life feels completely different from how it was before we worked together. In some strange way, she felt that she was now a “grown up.” “I feel like I’m an adult now,” she stated to me with an unassuming confidence. “I’m more empowered in my decisions, and my life is on track.” What was possible for Jesse is possible for you, and for me, and for every one of us. If you feel like you are living life fully and unapologetically, a huge congratulations and a high-five to you! But if you’re not living life on your terms, and you’re experiencing the negative and unsustainable costs, I encourage you to explore the idea that you can choose another path. You can always reach out to me if you need help getting started. My dream is that we all support each other to live life on our own terms, unapologetically. Imagine if we all lived our lives fully and expansively as our true selves. How awesome of a world that would be! This world of vibrancy and vitality is possible. Are you willing to play your part to bring this world into being? Abundant Blessings and Namaste. ** I'd love to hear your thoughts about today's article. Please feel free to leave a comment below. And...If you know of anyone in the Los Angeles area who can use some support in living life on their own terms, I'll be holding my 3-hour Living Life Unapologetically Signature Workshop in downtown Los Angeles on Saturday, July 27, 2019. Click here to learn more about it: https://living-life-unapologetically-workshop.eventbrite.com  Last week I did it! I organized my very first world premiere TED-style signature talk called "Living Life Unapologetically!" Roughly 50 people attended, many of them meeting each other for the very first time. We had food, connection and heart -- all in one room. And I put it all together in less than 6 weeks, from the idea to execution. (Click here to read my original blog on why I decided to do this talk in the first place.) Here were a few comments from the evaluation forms from people who attended: “It was uplifting and soul enriching.” “Joselito is an excellent storyteller – succinct with a flair of comedy and life lessons interwoven in between.” “Maybe it’s time for me to live my life unapologetically.” I’ll tell you, it’s no small feat to bring something new into the world, especially something that brings you out of your own comfort zone. Plus, when you create something new, you wonder whether anyone will respond favorably to it, if at all. It’s not uncommon for doubts to creep in. Obstacles can show up, including naysayers and critics, as you venture forth on your path. And sometimes, the biggest critic you have to face…and overcome…is you. Have you ever had the idea of doing something incredible or out of your comfort zone, only to have thoughts creep up that try to stop you in your tracks? Thoughts like, “Are you sure you want to do this? What if it doesn’t work out?” Or uncertainties like, “Why did I decide to do this? I don’t know why I even want to do this. I should just stick to what I know.” This might surprise you, but even I had a few of these thoughts come up as I put together the event for my talk. I shared with one of my clients that my goal was to get 20 people there, and I wasn’t even sure I’d get that many people. (Fortunately, she gave me this look and said, “Are you kidding? You’ll get at least 20 people, and probably a whole lot more!”) In another doubting moment, the idea popped up in my head about pushing it off for a month, just so I could put in more time to get everything ready and make sure people could book this ahead of time in their calendar. A couple days before the talk, I even had a momentary thought that I might get sick, and have such a bad cold that I’d have to cancel the whole event. Although these were fleeting thoughts, my biggest critic...my inner critic...was making its presence known to me. Yet, what kept me going was that I made a commitment to deliver my talk. And here my talk was called “Living Life Unapologetically.” How would I look if I wasn’t willing to apply my own life lessons to this very talk, to live my life unapologetically? In that moment, I realized, living your life unapologetically isn’t a destination. It's a choice, and a commitment, to a never-ending journey. In other words, once you decide to start living your life on your own terms, it doesn’t mean that you’ve now mastered life, that you’ve reached the mountaintop, and now it’s over. Living life unapologetically means that you will continually uncover new areas to grow. When you live life on your own terms, you begin to blaze a new trail for yourself, one where you have to make new choices that are in alignment for you. New trails means you don't necessarily know where you'll end up or how it will look along the way. And here's the rub...who is there standing at the edge of the unknown, always there to greet you? Yup, you guessed it. Your inner critic! What I’ve come to recognize, though, is that your inner critic serves a purpose. Your inner critic is there to make sure you stay safe, and that you don’t get hurt as you venture into new lands. Ultimately, in its own way, your inner critic is looking out for your safety. When you realize its purpose, you can soften to allow greater compassion for your inner critic, and then begin to engage in a dialogue. Here’s one thing I say when my inner critic tries to stop me: “I see you and I hear you. I know what you’re doing. You think the unknown is a scary and dangerous place. You’re trying to protect me so I don’t get hurt. I get it. But here’s the truth. It actually hurts more to stay right where I’m at, to not grow and to feel stagnant. Thank you for doing your job in warning me. You help keep my eyes and ears open as I step out. I’ll show you that there are some exciting things to discover, but that'll happen only if and when we take a step and get out there.” With this lesson, here’s your coaching assignment for this week:
If I had followed the advice of my inner critic, I wouldn’t have had this amazing event where 50 people gathered to listen to my talk. And these people might not have heard the very life lessons they needed to hear to live their lives unapologetically. On the feedback form after my talk, I asked participants to share one thing they were taking away from my talk that they could apply in their own life. Here is what one person wrote: “My takeaway is that I realize that I need to make a change in my life. I need to get rid of the ‘same old, same old’ way of living. After tonight, I’m willing to take a risk…to find happiness and to live my life unapologetically.” Left to its own devices and unchecked, your inner critic will keep you tied to the "same old, same old" way of living. But here's the Truth: There are other voices you can listen to besides your inner critic. One of those other voices is the inner adventurer, whose purpose is to lead you away from stagnation and to new areas of growth. Why not start listening to your inner adventurer? Give voice to the life inside of you that’s calling you forward…a life of vibrancy, joy, deeper meaning and discovery. Listen, and take a baby step. That’s all it takes to start. And when you do take that baby step, watch as your world starts to break open, and Life itself shows up to help guide you along the way. Abundant Blessings and Namaste. ** I'd love to hear your thoughts about today's article. Please feel free to leave a comment below. And...at my talk, I announced that I’ll be teaching people how to take the lessons from my talk and apply them directly to your life, with my 3-hour Living Life Unapologetically Signature Workshop, happening in downtown Los Angeles on Saturday, July 27, 2019. Click here to learn more about it: https://living-life-unapologetically-workshop.eventbrite.com  One of the questions I like to ask people is this: “What’s one thing you love to do, but you’re not doing it now?” The answer ranges, from meditation, going to the beach, spending time with friends, going salsa dancing, and the list goes on. Then, I follow up with this question: “What’s the biggest reason you’re not doing it now?” Almost always, the answer I hear is, “It’s because I’m so busy, and I don’t have time.” Is time really the biggest barrier to you doing what you love to do? I saw a quote on Facebook recently where someone posted, “If you have time for Facebook, you have time to meditate.” I’ll bet that if you chronicled every moment of your day, you would have a real eye opener for how you really spend your time. (I actually did this a couple months ago where I wrote down in a little journal how I spent each minute everyday, for a whole week, and I was quite surprised at how much time I looked at social media and my emails!) So if time isn’t necessarily the main reason most people don’t engage in the activities they love, then what is? Is it priorities? Discipline? Commitment? You see, for most people, time isn’t your real barrier. What stops you and many others from spending your time doing things you love is that you most likely found a comfortable place and way of life called “your comfort zone.” Here's what staying in your comfort zone looks like: “I’m so tired from work. I just need to chill out on the couch and watch Netflix.” “I have to do my laundry, and other things around the house. Who has time for anything else?” “It’s too much work to go out and do this. Maybe next month I’ll do something.” I get it. There really is something to being a creature of comfort and not having to expend too much energy. And making some space in your calendar means having to change up some things. It takes effort and focus to embrace some new behaviors and ways of being. Change isn’t always easy. But guess what? Not changing your behaviors also has its costs. Whether or not you realize it, staying in your comfort zone has a price. What do you give up by staying in your comfort zone? Are you letting dreams and goals slowly slip away? Are you giving up the possibility of more joy, more vibrancy and more connection in your life? One of the common sentiments that I hear from people when they seek my life coaching services is how they wish they would’ve made changes years ago. Regret is a horrible feeling to carry around, especially when you feel like you’ve been letting life pass you by. Please, don't take what I'm saying here as a reprimand or a lecture. I’m merely making a point. You get to choose how you live your life. You are the architect of your life choices. And, if you know that doing things you love would help give you more meaning and fulfillment in your life, why not make the choice to do more of those things? Imagine what your life could feel like if you felt more joyous, more flow, and more at ease. That’s what is always available to you, if you so choose. With that, here’s your coaching assignment for the week:
How would your life feel if you created your weeks to include more and more of the activities that you love and make you feel good? How much of that good feeling would roll over into all areas of your life? My vision is that you live more and more of your life with ease, flow and joy. It doesn’t have to happen all at once. All it takes is a first step. Can you take one step today? Abundant Blessings and Namaste. ** I'd love to hear your thoughts about today's article. Please feel free to leave a comment below. And...if you didn’t see my announcement, I’ll be giving my World Premiere TED-Style Talk called “Living Life Unapologetically” this coming Wednesday June 19 @ 6pm in downtown Los Angeles. If you know of anyone who might be interested in attending, please feel free to share this link with them to find out more and to register: https://living-life-unapologetically.eventbrite.com |
About JoselitoJoselito is a spiritual life coach helping people create a purposeful, spiritual path to career and financial freedom. Popular Blog Articles Beware (Be Aware of) these 5 Unhelpful Money Stories How my body told me to quit my job How I was offered an all-expenses paid cruise after making my Vision Board Today I choose to live my GREATNESS You are not your stories. You are the story-teller. Your job is not your Source. Archives
September 2019
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