When the answer isn't clear, change the question

As a spiritual life coach who helps people who want to experience more fulfilling work and a more meaningful life, I have clients come to me each week with some hard-to-answer questions.

​Here are a few examples:
 

• “I’ve been having a terrible week at work. I love some of the things I do, but there are parts of it I hate. Should I stay in my job, or find a new one?”
• “I told my boss that I’m quitting, but now I’m having second thoughts that I made the wrong decision. Should I ask for my job back?”
• “I’ve been seeing all my friends on Facebook going on these fabulous vacations and living a great life. I feel like I should be like them and be farther ahead than where I’m at. Why am I so far behind?”

 
When you’re in a situation that feels like a no-win scenario, it can feel extremely frustrating and easy to throw your hands in the air.
 
What’s a person to do?
 
(And if you’re facing a situation like this right now in your life, please know that my heart goes out to you.)
 
In Star Trek, Captain James T. Kirk faced such a no-win situation when he trained for Starfleet Academy. The training exercise was called the Kobayashi Maru. The test was designed for all Starfleet cadets to fail, no matter what decision they made.
 
And what did Captain Kirk do? He beat the no-win scenario by changing the rules of the game.
 
When you feel unclear about how to move forward in a situation, how do you come up with the answer for what to do?
 
One way out of a seemingly no-win scenario is to change the question you’re asking.
 
I learned this practice from one of my spiritual teachers, Mary Morrissey. She called this process “asking high-caliber questions.”
 
When an answer to a question feels confusing, heavy and frustrating, the problem doesn’t lie in the answers. And the problem isn’t with you! This is a sign that usually means the question that you’re asking is a lower vibrational question.
 
Instead, see if you can raise the vibration of your question so you can raise the vibration of your answers.
 
Let’s see how this can work. We can start with a fairly common scenario.
 
For example, you can ask, “What should I make for dinner?” This seems like a fairly neutral question…not a lot of energy either way.
 
But now, look at this question: “What can I make that would be healthy, nutritious and taste delicious?”
 
Did you feel the vibration of this question go up?
 
Now, let’s see if we can raise the vibration of this question even higher.
 
How about this question: “What new recipe can I concoct that would make my taste buds dance, nourish my whole body, give me energy and feed my soul?”
 
Okay, maybe that question was a little out there, but I’m hoping you get my point.
 
Each of these questions answers what you might make for dinner, but the higher vibration and energy of each question shift the answers.
 
Let’s take one of the scenarios from my clients that I posed earlier and see if we can raise the energy a little bit.
 

• Original scenario and question: I’ve been having a terrible week at work. I love some of the things I do, but there are aspects I hate. Should I stay in my job, or find a new one?
• New higher vibrational question: If I had all the money in the world, what kind of work would I love to do?

 
As you can see in this example, the new question not only invites different answers but it also changes how you approach the situation.
 
Instead of having to choose between the two options of staying in your job or finding a new one, you’re implicitly being asked what brings you life, joy, meaning and purpose.
 
Here’s the lesson in all of this: The answers shift because the questions shift. And the questions shift because YOU shift.
 
In other words, you’re changing the rules of the game. The Kobayashi Maru experience is happening right there in your own mind.
 
With this in mind, here’s your coaching assignment for the week:
 

• Think of a question that is relevant in your life. This doesn’t have to be a life-altering question. It can even be something simple.
  Example: Hmmm…something simple. Okay, what should I do this weekend?

• Now, see if you can raise the vibration of the question by bringing in more life, joy, meaning and purpose. What’s one possible way to raise the vibration of the question?
  Example: This seems a little harder. Life? Joy? Okay, let me try…How about, what is something I’ve wanted to do for a while now that I could do this weekend?
• Notice if your answers to each of these questions might feel different. If your answers to the second question feel more expansive and free, then you’ve raised the vibration of the question!

 
At the heart of this exercise is the spiritual truth that an Infinite reservoir of possibilities lays within you.
 
You are the director of your life, and you have the power to choose your path.
 
Why not choose the path that’s fun, life-affirming and meaningful?
 
If you’re looking for ways to bring more joy, meaning and purpose in your life, I’d be happy to support you. You can schedule a complimentary life coaching consultation with me by simply clicking here.

I’d also love to hear your thoughts about this blog post. Feel free to leave a comment below.

Abundant Blessings and Namaste.

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